


Prey

by ChickenXD



Series: Prey [1]
Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Family Issues, M/M, Murder, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-14 13:54:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7174505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChickenXD/pseuds/ChickenXD
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Isa runs away from home, and meets a strange man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was raining heavily outside.

The boy looked out of the window. It was late in the afternoon and the sun should be setting, but thanks to the rain nobody could see the sun from here. It was just dark, gray clouds all over the sky, pouring water onto the earth. He was quietly happy there was no thunder – why so, he had no idea. Not that it would matter to him in any way. 

Maybe because he simply hated the sound of it – but still, the million of photons of lightning hitting the earth was quite pleasant to see. 

He could hear the low growl of a thunder somewhere in the distance, but no lightning. How disappointing. 

He could feel the train come to a stop, and then the stop’s name as announced. Not that he was paying attention anymore. 

Some people got off, and less got on. Some of them were busy folding their umbrellas, or inspecting their rain-soaked belongings in frustration. 

The boy didn’t move, not even to look. He hadn’t moved at all since boarding the train, except for the one time he gave up his seat for a pregnant woman. That was… many stops ago. 

Was that even this train, or the other train?

He decided to not think about it too hard. 

Since then, many people had sat down next to him and left, but he simply stayed there. Nothing too particularly striking about it, since he looks just like the average high-schooler or college student taking the train to go home – blue hoodie, green button-up shirt, jeans, a small backpack – totally normal. That’s actually the opposite of what he was doing, but nobody needs to know that. 

Time passes, but he’s just kind of in a daze, just sitting by and waiting for everything to be over without really caring. He doesn’t need to get off until he had to – not like he wants to get off anyway. And then…

And then what?

That’s for his future self to decide, he thought. 

Five more stops until they get to the terminal stop. 

It’s quite far away from where he started. He could only hope he wouldn’t be found there. 

 

A blue-haired man then sat down next to the boy, his white lab coat slightly wet from the rain. He was holding a messenger bag that was now also soaked –

He quickly took out his books and notes from inside the bag, trying to make sure they were all dry – some of them were wet around the edges, but that’s fine – it’ll probably just wrinkle up when it dries. It was a mess, as if the man had shoved a lot of garbage in the bag – there were crumpled paper all around. Instead of putting them back in, he decided to put them on his lap.

“Ahh! I’m sorry!” the man said, smiling sheepishly – “It’s a mess! But don’t worry, I’ll make sure to pick them up!”

“That’s fine.”

The boy glanced at the nametag the man was wearing – Dr. Kawara Ryuuji, it said. The lanyard had the words Takaba University printed all over. 

Ryuuji finished taking out all of his things and somewhat sorting them, and to reward himself, he pulled out two snack bars from his pocket. 

“Would you like some?”

The boy shook his head. While Ryuuji may seem… accountable, and the snack bar was a brand he recognized, taking something from strangers is a big no-no. 

In fact, it’s strange that Ryuuji would attempt to interact with him to start with – not that it’s illegal, but people don’t usually do that in trains. Either Ryuuji is an overly-friendly man, or he’s a creep targeting children to kidnap. Especially with that snack bar – who knows what could be in it?

“Ah, uh… well…”

Ryuuji awkwardly smiled as he looked around. Other passengers were staring at him, clearly suspicious. 

“I’m not trying to do anything! I swear!” He turned to the boy, “I… I’m really sorry if I scared you!”

“That’s fine.”

Ryuuji fell silent after that, and the boy once again turned his attention outside of the window. 

It was still raining, but no more thunder, it seemed. 

 

Ryuuji didn’t make any more attempts to interact with him after that. 

Which should be a relief for the boy – only stop by stop, there were more people getting off than getting on – by the second to last stop, there were only five people left. Ryuuji, the boy, a mother with her teen daughter, and a girl who was reading comics. 

Ryuuji turned to the boy nervously, and smiled again. 

“I’m sorry about earlier,” he said again, “Did… did I scare you?”

The boy shook his head. “Not really.”

“Oh! Thank goodness!” Ryuuji seemed genuinely relieved at this. “By the way, which stop are you going off?”

“The last one.”

“Me too! My house is just a ten minute walk from the station!” Ryuuji said, “Do you live around there, too?”

“I’m visiting a friend,” the boy lied, “I’ll stay over there for a few days.”

“Oh, must be a really good friend, huh?”

The boy decided to change the topic. Won’t be good for this random guy to find out too much. 

“So… Kawara-san, are you a teacher?”

“Yes! And also a researcher, when I have the time,” Ryuuji said as he lifted his notebooks, full of scribbles – “They let me use the lab whenever I like, since I’m officially a staff, so that’s fun! I’ve yet to make a groundbreaking discovery, though!”

“I see.”

“What about you? What high school do you…” Ryuuji paused then, as if he just remembered something. “Oh, man, I forgot to ask your name! That’s rude of me!”

“...it’s Isa,” he replied, “Isa Souma.”

Of course he’s not as naive to give Ryuuji his real name. But either way, Isa Souma is a name he’d chosen for now, and Ryuuji certainly didn’t need to know anything more. They’d get off the train together, and that would be it – they would certainly never meet again.

“So which high school are you from, Isa-kun?”

“I’ve just graduated,” Isa lied again, “But I was from St. Pigeonation’s.”

“You’ve graduated? Wow! How old are you?”

“I’ll turn nineteen by the end of the year.”

“You certainly look really young for a nineteen-year-old!” Ryuuji said – Isa wasn’t sure if he should regard it as a compliment, but from the look in Ryuuji’s face, it probably is. Then again, Isa was just happy Ryuuji would buy it. 

 

“We have arrived at Hachiman. This is the last stop. All passengers must leave the train.” 

The train stopped a few minutes later, and the remaining passengers all got up to leave. Most of Ryuuji’s things have dried by now, so he put them back into his bag before leaving.

It was almost eight PM, about four hours since Isa left home.

It was autumn, so the sun had set, and by now, the sky was dark and cloudy. There was still some drizzle of rain, but nothing too bad.

“So where’s your friend’s house?”

“It’s not far. I can find it.”

“You know, Isa-kun, have you eaten dinner?”

Isa shook his head – this time, it’s true. He’d been in the train for the past few hours, and the last thing he ate was some rice bowl for lunch. 

“Let’s go to this ramen stall! I know the owner really well!” Ryuuji offered, “Nothing’s better than sitting in the rain while slurping a steaming bowl of ramen, right?”

“I’ll be fine,” Isa replied, “In fact, I think it’s better I go to my friend’s house before it gets too late. We agreed to have dinner together.”

“Really?”

Ryuuji nodded understandingly. 

“I should take you there, then!  Maybe we’ll even pass the ramen stall on the way! Do you know the address?”

Isa froze upon hearing that question. 

Of course, everything he’d told Ryuuji so far had been lies – but he can’t lie about this one. He didn’t know anything about the addresses in this area, nor does he know the roads – 

He would certainly be suspicious if Isa said ‘no’, wouldn’t he? What might happen then?

“...I do,” Isa replied, feeling his heart race slightly faster – “He did tell me it’s close to a ramen stall.”

“Well, why don’t you call him and tell him you’ll be going there!” Ryuuji suggested, “This is perfect! Let’s go eat together, then!”

Isa could only follow him without saying a word. 

At this point, Ryuuji could call off his bluff at anytime. He didn’t have his phone with him, either – on purpose, to make sure he would never be found.

Why Ryuuji was nagging him so much, Isa had no idea, but this situation certainly isn’t looking too good.

~•~

“Good evening!”

Ryuuji walked into the shop, followed by Isa. The smell of the broth was emanating to the streets, inviting any pedestrians to come and eat. The owner of the stall was an elderly man, while a young lady was busy cooking at the back. There were two other customers, eagerly waiting on their food. 

“Hello, Ryuuji-kun,” the owner greeted as they both sat down. “You brought a friend, how unusual.”

“This is Isa-kun! We met on the train!” Ryuuji introduced – Isa remained silent, though, only giving a bow. “Isa-kun, this is Urushihara Kenzaburou-san! And that on the back is Koshiba Azami-san!”

“Tonkotsu ramen, as usual?”

“Yes please!” Ryuuji turned to Isa, “What do you want, Isa-kun? The tonkotsu ramen is really good! I highly recommend it!”

“...I guess I’ll take that one, then.”

Kenzaburou nodded before moving to help Azami. 

Isa couldn’t help but feel hungry, being surrounded by this smell, but he still felt nervous. 

What will happen after this? 

Ryuuji will find out, sooner or later, that he’s lying – and then what should he do then? Should he keep on lying like this, or come clean and tell the truth, no matter what happens?

 

“That’s kinda creepy of you, Kawara-san.”

Ryuuji turned to Azami, who was pouring water for them.

“W… what do you mean, Azami-san?” Ryuuji asked nervously, “What did I do now?”

“You said you met this kid in the train? And now you’re dragging him around with you? You sound like a kidnapper.”

“B… but…!”

“Look at him,” she said, pointing at Isa – who was now looking down at the ground and lacing his fingers together. “He’s clearly uncomfortable.”

“S… sorry, Isa-kun! I didn’t mean to be creepy!” Ryuuji quickly apologized, “I… I swear, I mean nothing bad! I’ll just drop you off at your friend’s place, and then go home!”

Isa didn’t reply – he didn’t even look up to Ryuuji. Ryuuji could feel a rush of panic going across his body – 

“I… I’m sorry! I really didn’t mean to!”

“...that’s fine,” Isa muttered, after a few seconds of silence, “I know. If you’re a kidnapper, you’d just take me to your house. You wouldn’t bother taking me out to dinner like this.”

“See, Azami-san!” Ryuuji said happily, “It’s not as bad as you make it to be!”

“Although meeting you sure did throw off some of my plans,” Isa said with a sigh, “So… if possible, I hope you’ll leave me alone after this.”

“Of course! I’ll just take you to your friend’s house, and…”

“I’m not going to my friend’s house,” Isa finally admitted, “I’m running away from home.”

Ryuuji and Azami fell silent upon hearing this, both of them staring at Isa in surprise.

“I probably won’t be found out for a few days,” Isa went on – “Maybe my parents won’t even notice I’m gone. Either way…”

“Do you have a place to sleep in tonight, then?”

“The plan was to find an internet cafe.”

“There is one around the corner,” Ryuuji said, “But do you want to sleep on my couch? At least that won’t cost you anything.”

“That’s even creepier, Ryuuji-san,” Azami cut in, “You sound like one of those creeps who pick up chicks to sell them to the sex trade.”

Ryuuji couldn’t help but blush again – “B… but I’m not about to do that! I’m a man with a legal job!”

“What do you think, kid?” she asked, “You trust this guy? Or should I tell you the way to the internet cafe?”

Isa turned to look at Ryuuji, who was still flustered –

Ryuuji seemed like a pretty honest man, actually. It was just that his attempts at helping people could easily come across as creepy. 

Isa really didn’t care. He’d been warned so many times by his parents, teachers, friends, to never ever go with strangers – 

But right now, isn’t he, too, a stranger to himself?

Nobody knows where he came from, what his motives were, what he was planning to do. 

Either way, he wouldn’t have a chance to do whatever he wanted to do now, thanks to that encounter with Ryuuji on the train. 

Or maybe there was. He can just choose to go to the internet cafe, but instead walk into a dark alley and…

 

“...I’ll go with you.”

_ What are you doing? That’s not what you’re supposed to do. _

_ Apologize to him, and leave. You still have a chance. Quick, before anything worse happens –  _

 

Isa could see that he got a disapproving look from Azami, but Ryuuji was smiling happily.

He couldn’t quite understand what compelled him to go with Ryuuji instead either. A part was screaming at him to not go – _ just do what you’re supposed to do –  _

But at this point, Isa couldn’t understand anymore. 

“I’ll make sure to take care of you well! Don’t worry about it, Isa-kun!”

~•~

“Aaaaand here we are! Sorry it’s kind of messy!”

Ryuuji opened the door for Isa, letting him walk in before closing the door behind them. 

Ryuuji’s apartment was small and… well, as he described it, messy. There were papers all over the floor, some dirty dishes on the sink that probably have mold on them at this point, and Isa could smell a distinct sour smell as soon as Ryuuji opened the door. 

“Are you still hungry, Isa-kun?”

“I’m fine.” Isa shook his head, “Thank you, Kawara-sensei.”

“Woah! I’m your teacher now!” Ryuuji said excitedly – “I mean, you don’t really need to call me that, but… hey, I like the sound of it.”

“Don’t other people call you so, too?”

“Yes, but…” Ryuuji smiled sheepishly, “I mean, I feel like you respect me a lot!

“A… anyway, I’m going to take a shower!” Ryuuji said as he walked into… what Isa could only assume to be the bathroom, “Make yourself at home, okay? Don’t hesitate to tell me if you need anything!”

Isa gave a nod, so Ryuuji left. 

Isa first put down his backpack and opened it. There weren’t much inside, because clearly everything has deviated from his original plan now – just two shirts, a raincoat, two pairs of jeans, underwear, and socks. Now that Isa thought about it, he didn’t even bother to bring his phone. Having things develop in this direction certainly has been troublesome…

But is it good, perhaps? Maybe not now, but later?

Isa placed his clothes on what free space was left on the coffee table, among Ryuuji’s books and papers. He then ruffled through the pocket of his backpack – 

 

Inside was a pocketknife. 

It felt strangely heavy now, compared to when he’d put it in earlier. The mass shouldn’t have changed at all, and yet it felt like it has changed in some way invisible to the eye.

Now, now, that certainly can’t be true, right? 

Isa opened it, and gently traced his fingers across the shiny metal blade. The metal felt cold, distant.

 

It certainly felt strange – the knife was supposed to have served its purpose of ending his life.

And yet here he was, very much alive, and now holding the one thing that was supposed to cause his death.

Maybe it just wasn’t time yet. Maybe him meeting Ryuuji was supposed to postpone all this.

Isa shook his head, as if trying to forget what he’d just thought. 

He placed it into the pocket of one of his spare jeans, then put all his clothes back into his backpack. That should do for now.

 

“Okay, it’s your turn now!”

Isa turned around to see Ryuuji walking out of the bathroom, and hurriedly zipped his backpack. Ryuuji’s hair was wet, and he was now wearing a shirt with a pigeon’s face on it.

“...so is this the part where you rape me?”

“What?’ Ryuuji shook his head. “Of… of course not, Isa-kun! I told you I didn’t mean to do anything bad to you!”

“But it certainly is strange, no matter how you look at it,” Isa sighed, “We just met on the train two hours ago, and you’re being so friendly and helpful to me. It’s difficult to think that there’s no reason behind it.”

“Trust me, Isa-kun,” Ryuuji said with a smile, “I won’t do anything to you, I swear. You can stay here for as long as you want, or you can leave tomorrow! I’m just worried if you have to be outside alone at this hour!”

“...is that so?”

Isa pondered this for a while. He doesn’t know this city yet, but Ryuuji was right. It would be dangerous out there in this darkness – at least he has the safety of being inside, for now.

“...I suppose,” Isa replied, although rather hesitant – “We’ll see how things go.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

Felt strange to be awake. 

Isa opened his eyes, staring at the strange ceiling above him. The air around him was stuffy and smelly, warm. It was pretty dark still, but he could see some rays of the sun coming in – maybe the curtains were drawn. It was quiet for the most part, although he could hear the low murmur of the ventilation. 

This is not home – he could remember that much. Last night he came here with Ryuuji… and nothing much happened. Ryuuji took a shower, then he took a shower; they tried watching some late night anime, but nothing was interesting, so instead they chatted about Ryuuji’s work. Isa found it a bit strange that Ryuuji didn’t ask about him running from home, but then that's also fortunate, since Isa didn’t really want to talk about it. Isa slept on the couch, as they’d agreed, and Ryuuji lent him a pillow and a blanket. 

Nothing particularly remarkable. Isa had expected things to go south in some way, but it didn’t.

He slowly sat up and looked around. Ryuuji was nowhere to be found, but everything else was as he remembered it last night. 

The stack of books on the table and the papers scattered all over the floor. His backpack was still exactly where he left it, and he was quite relieved to see that nothing was moved. Ryuuji haven’t gone through it, it seems – at least he knows to respect Isa’s privacy. It’d be troublesome if Ryuuji found that pocketknife.

He got off the couch and quickly noticed that Ryuuji had left a plate of toast on the coffee table, and along with that, a note.

 

**Hey, Isa-kun! I hope you slept well last night!**

**I made you breakfast. Sorry it’s not particularly good or anything… I’m not that good at cooking yet. But I’ll keep learning!**

**I have to catch the train at 7, so sorry to kind of leave you behind like this. I’ll be back around 6 tonight if my research doesn’t take too long, then we can go eat together. Please make yourself feel at home in the meantime! You can take anything from the fridge, although I doubt there’s much… I’ll go shopping tonight, so don’t worry!**

**I’ll be taking my key, so you can’t leave the house. Sorry about that. I made a spare some time ago, but I lost it… if you can find it, you can use it!**

**So see you tonight, Isa-kun!**

 

Isa put the note back on the table. No big deal – Isa couldn’t really think of a reason to go out anyway. 

He turned to the toast – upon peeking inside, it had some cheese, egg, and tomato sauce. Isa took a bite – it tasted decent, at least. 

Isa turned on the TV, just to see if there was any news about him. Plus he’d have to kill time until Ryuuji gets back –

Maybe he should then ask to leave. Ryuuji had been very kind, taking him in, paying for his dinner and giving him food – well, it was thanks to Ryuuji that Isa was even still alive right now – but he can’t stay here forever – he’d just be a nuisance. He still has some money in his pocket to keep him going for about a week, but he probably won’t need it either, since he’d kill himself the second he leaves the house. Just not in front of Ryuuji, maybe. 

No news so far about him. His dad was travelling overseas anyway, and his mum was probably out partying, so maybe it’ll take them longer to notice he’s gone. 

 

It certainly felt… foreign.

It was like anything before yesterday before happened. He has a new identity now, so he’s become a new person –  

He’s free, isn’t he?

None of the past matters anymore, right?

But for the first time in his life, being so far away from everything he knew, being faced with this big, terrifying new reality –

The world seemed bigger than it ever was. As if Isa had shrunk, and the world had continued to grow, swallowing him whole.

It felt lonely. 

 

Isa decided to clean the house. It’s only polite – as a show of gratitude for letting him stay the night. Isa isn’t that used to cleaning after himself either, but he can do some basic cleaning, at least. 

He decided to start with the dishes. Some of them were getting moldy, so that must be the source of the sour smell – but they were all relatively easy to wash, just scrub with some detergent and rinse – it only took him half an hour. 

He turned to the fridge then – which were full with styrofoam boxes of leftovers, among packs of decaying vegetables and snacks. He opened them one by one, judging if they were still edible – those that didn’t make the cut went straight into the bin. He would dare say some of the boxes were at least one year old. That left the fridge with milk, eggs, lettuce, and three boxes of leftovers. Much better, but Ryuuji would need to go on a grocery run soon. 

He then picked up the papers from the floor and stacked them neatly on the table, next to the books. He decided to not look at what the texts on them were about – he probably wouldn’t understand, anyway. 

He felt bad about this next one, but he decided to go into Ryuuji’s room. For a second he felt like he was violating Ryuuji’s personal space – but hopefully he won’t mind. There were a lot of strewn clothes on the floor, and even more papers. Isa gathered the clothes and threw them into the washing machine – thankfully, they all seemed dry, just smelly, because they’d been left for so long that maybe families of bacteria were living there already – while the papers went with the other ones on the table. He decided not to open Ryuuji’s wardrobe, though, although he’d guess it was pretty messy in there as well. 

He started the washing machine, then sat back down on the couch. It was two PM, and he really couldn’t think of anything else to do other than to get some air freshener so it doesn’t stink. 

No spare key yet, but that’s okay – Ryuuji probably threw it out by accident, mixed with all the garbage in his house. Not that Isa particularly needed it or anything. 

For lunch, Isa just reheated one of the leftovers on the stove. It was fried rice – Isa had no idea how old it was, but it still tasted pretty good. 

And now he has about four more hours to kill. 

The TV was no longer airing news and is now airing a talk show with celebrities, so Isa turned it off. He took one of the books on Ryuuji’s table – it was about rocks – and started reading. 

~•~

“I’m home, Isa-kun!”

Ryuuji put down the plastic bags on the floor before closing the door behind him. 

“Wow, you cleaned the house for me?”

It was certainly a pleasant surprise – the papers on the floor had been picked up, and the dishes on the sink were gone. Ryuuji could never imagine having done all this by himself –

Isa quickly put down his book and walked over to help Ryuuji with his bags. 

“How was your day, Kawara-sensei?”

“It was good! How about you? Were you bored at home?” 

Isa shook his head. “I’m fine. I didn’t find the spare key, though.”

“I see… sorry about that, Isa-kun.”

“That’s alright.”

“Oh, by the way, I bought fried chicken for dinner!” Ryuuji announced, “And a few other things, too! I bought clothes for you, since you don’t seem to have too many, and a phone, since you forgot yours!”

Ryuuji pulled out a black flip phone from his pocket, and handed it to Isa. 

“It’s a simple phone… it can’t do much other than texting and calling, but I thought that’d do,” Ryuuji explained, “This way I can check on you, and you can also ask me to get anything from the store!”

“You didn’t need to,” Isa replied, “I’m leaving tonight.”

“Ehh?” 

Ryuuji seemed disappointed at this revelation – which is strange, Isa thought, because Ryuuji had absolutely no reason to keep him around, does he?

“Are you sure?” Ryuuji asked, “Where will you go, Isa-kun?”

“I’m going to an internet cafe, as I’ve planned before.”

“Is that better than staying in my house?”

“No, not really,” Isa replied honestly, “I just don’t want to be a nuisance to you.”

“Oh, come on, don’t say that!” Ryuuji said with a big smile, “I like having you around! Or else it just kind of gets lonely, you know! And Isa-kun has been really well-behaved, too!”

“But…”

“If I let you out there on your own, I’ll be worried! I can’t just let you roam the streets by yourself, Isa-kun, who knows what can happen! There are a lot of bad guys out there!”

Isa couldn’t argue with that. In fact, he’s been really fortunate that Ryuuji found him and not someone else – or else, he could’ve been robbed, raped, or… have some other horrible things done to him. At least Ryuuji was taking care of him well.

 

“...but I can’t stay here forever, right?”

_ You did not leave home to be picked up by this random stranger, did you? _

_ You’re not needed here. _

 

Ryuuji paused upon hearing this.

That statement was without reason – he’d probably get in all sorts of trouble if the police had found Isa with him. And clearly Isa had never planned on meeting him – he was probably uncomfortable and scared.

What else could he do, though? 

Letting Isa go was clearly not an option – Ryuuji knew precisely what would happen if Isa left. 

Maybe that’s none of his business, but now that he’d come across Isa, he felt like he simply couldn’t turn away and pretend to never know.

No matter what, Isa has to stay. 

 

“But Isa-kun, if you leave, the police might find you and try to take you home, you know?”

Isa’s eyes widened slightly upon being reminded of this fact, then he sighed.

“So why don’t you stay here for now? I swear I’ll treat you well!” Ryuuji exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around Isa’s shoulder, “For now, let’s eat! I’m really hungry!” 


	3. Chapter 3

“I’m home, Isa-kun!”

Isa looked up from his book as Ryuuji opened the door and walked in. There were two other people coming into the house as well –

One of them was a brown-haired young man, wearing a brown jacket and a red scarf. And the other one, his friend, maybe, was a  young man with bleached hair, and wearing a beige jacket. 

“Oh, by the way, this is Uzune Hitori-kun, and Nanaki Kazuaki-kun!” Ryuuji introduced the brown-haired man and the blond respectively, “They’re my students, so we’ll be hanging out for a while. Have you had dinner, Isa-kun?”

Isa shook his head. 

“Well, let’s order pizza, then!” 

“Kawara-sensei,” Hitori cut in, pointing at Isa, “Who is this?”

“Oh, this is Isa-kun! He’s been my housemate for… a week, now?”

Hitori turned to look at Isa, his brows pointed in suspicion, while Kazuaki just seemed… confused. Isa bowed down at them – they both seemed older than him, so they deserve it.

“...how old are you?”

“I’m nineteen,” Isa replied, trying to be consistent with this lie – 

“You look twelve,” Hitori remarked sarcastically.

Isa was caught off guard Hitori saw through that lie he froze for a second, but then he only let out a sigh.

“Well, sorry that my genes don’t make me very tall  – that’s not something I can’t control, but I am nineteen.”

Hitori continued to look at him, examining him from head to toe – Isa tried his best to keep his cool, lest Hitori get even more suspicious of him. 

A few second later, Hitori turned to Ryuuji with a sigh.

“Also, Kawara-sensei, I had no idea you were into younger boys. Are you secretly a shotacon?”

Ryuuji was immediately flustered upon hearing this. “N… no, that’s not it, Hitori-kun! You can ask Isa-kun! I haven’t done anything to him!”

“So why is he living with you?”

“Uh… well…” Ryuuji turned to glance at Isa, silently asking his permission to explain, but Isa didn’t move one bit – 

Ryuuji decided to not talk about it. That would probably make Isa really uncomfortable too – he doesn’t know Hitori and Kazuaki that well yet, anyway, so he probably wouldn’t want them poking into his personal matters. Hell, not even Ryuuji had asked about him running away from home.

“It’s… a long story.”

“Uh huh,” Hitori said sarcastically, “I won’t call the cops yet, but, you know.”

“That’s not necessary,” Isa cut in, “Kawara-sensei has been very kind to me. Our relationship is not what you think it is.”

“Really?” 

Hitori and Isa were now staring into each other with some fiery hatred, and the tension among them was so strong it felt like if someone lit a spark of fire on the room the whole room would just blow up. 

“Uh… well,” Ryuuji muttered timidly, “What kind of pizza do we want?”

“Oh! Can we have chicken pizza?” Kazuaki suggested cheerfully, “Uzune-kun, what do you want? You usually like… the vegetarian kind?”

“Anything’s fine with me.”

“I’ll go order a chicken pizza and seafood pizza, then,” Ryuuji said, taking out his phone and quickly dialing the number. 

 

“So Kazuaki-kun needs some help with the lessons,” Ryuuji told Isa, “We’ll just be hanging around here. You can go to my room after dinner if you want.”

Isa gave a nod.

“So, Isa-san, how long have you been living with Kawara-sensei?” Kazuaki asked casually, “Are your parents okay with you living here?”

“I’ve known Kawara-sensei before, since he was my uncle’s friend, so I thought I’d stay with him while I visit Hachiman,” Isa explained, “I won’t stay here for too long. I’ve been here for four days now, but I’ll leave the day after tomorrow.”

“Ohh, where to?”

“I’m going to travel to Osaka.”

“That’s cool! I haven’t been there in years!” Kazuaki said excitedly, “And you’re really brave, Isa-san, to be able to travel by yourself! Me, unless Uzune-kun is with me, I’d probably forget something really important, or get lost…”

“I can’t stick around with you forever,” Hitori sighed, “You need to learn to be more independent, Kazuaki-kun.”

“B… but, I tried that! And it went horribly wrong!”

“I mean, you’re better than you were when we first met, but you definitely still need some work,” Hitori went on, “Maybe one day I’ll skip class and see how you manage.”

“Noo!!!” Kazuaki screamed, almost breaking into tears – “Sorry Uzune-kun! I… I’ll try to be more independent! Please don’t leave me alone!”

“Man, I’m just kidding,” Hitori sighed, petting Kazuaki’s fluffy hair, “Don’t get so worked up over it.”

Isa turned to Ryuuji, who only shrugged – as if saying, “That’s just their relationship.”

But there’s nothing wrong about it, right?

They both seem to be perfectly happy about their relationship, and they both want it. Maybe it has a rather weird dynamic, but nothing’s wrong about it. 

_ Sometimes, if only… _

_ If only I can have someone like that, too, instead of… _

Isa sighed as he shook his head. Maybe it’s best to not think about it. 

~•~

Isa went into Ryuuji’s room after dinner, as agreed. He brought along with him the book he was reading –

Ryuuji’s room was about as clean as he remembered it – he just had to tidy up some books on the floor. Are all of these about his experiments?

Isa thought about opening one of them and reading, but then decided not to. Not that whatever is inside would matter to him. Also, Ryuuji had respected his privacy and not poke him about his personal life, so Isa thought he should try to respect Ryuuji’s privacy, too. 

Isa sat down on the bed, opened his book, and continued reading.

He could hear Ryuuji and Hitori trying to explain things to Kazuaki, who just sounded more confused and more ready to cry by every minute. Either way, Hitori and Ryuuji sure were patient – seems like this tutorial session could take longer than planned. 

~•~

The door creaked open two hours later, and Ryuuji popped his head in. 

“Isa-kun? You can come out now – we’re done.”

As Isa walked out, he could see that Hitori and Kazuaki were by the door, ready to leave. 

“See you next class, then, Kawara-sensei,” Hitori said as he bowed down, “Thank you for letting us come here.”

“Don’t sweat it! It’s good to know my students are so hardworking, you know!”

“See you Kawara-sensei, Isa-san!” Kazuaki said, waving his hands enthusiastically. Hitori just nodded to him, smiling sourly – maybe he hasn’t really bought Ryuuji’s explanation. 

“Bye! Be careful on your way back!”

The two of them walked out, then Ryuuji locked the door. 

It was almost nine-thirty now – hopefully those two won’t have a hard time finding their way home.

“Oh, man, all that teaching sure is making me hungry again!” Ryuuji exclaimed as he walked over to the table, where the leftover pizza was – “Do you want to eat more, Isa-kun?”

“I’m fine, thank you very much.”

“They’re really good students, aren’t they?” Ryuuji asked casually while shoving a slice of pizza into his mouth, “Uzune-kun is really hardworking, and Nanaki-kun is trying really hard, too.”

“Have they been together for long?”

“Well… since the first day I met them, they’ve never been apart,” Ryuuji replied, turning on the TV, “But they never claim to be dating each other, so I’m not too sure either.”

_ “The police was alerted this afternoon that Ichijou Utsuro, the prime minister’s son, had gone missing –” _

Isa quickly looked up to the TV, where the reporter was talking, and his picture was displayed on the inset.

_ “As of now, he’s described as a 16 year-old with short brown hair and glasses. As the prime minister had just gotten back from America today, it’s unknown how long Utsuro-san had been missing –” _

Isa quickly grabbed the remote from Ryuuji’s hands, and turned the TV off.

Silence hung uncomfortably in the air for a while. 

Isa could feel Ryuuji’s stare burning into him, and that scared him – is he angry? Suspicious? 

Isa wanted to look up at him and explain, and yet at the same time he didn’t want to meet Ryuuji’s eyes. 

 

_ Shit.  _

_ If only I hadn’t met Ryuuji on the train that day. If only I had mustered the courage to actually leave these past few days. If only I’m dead – _

_ None of this would’ve happened.  _

_ He’s going to kick me out now. Or hand me over to the police, and then they’d send me home. _

_ I don’t want that. I don’t want to ever go back. I’d rather die.  _

_ There must be a way. If he tries to take me to the police, I’ll just jump off and let myself get hit by a train, or –  _

 

“That’s you, right, Isa-kun?”

Isa didn’t respond for a while – he seemed nervous, as his face had suddenly grown pale upon hearing the new, and Ryuuji noticed that his fingers were trembling. 

“...yes.”

Ryuuji could only sigh. It certainly would be troublesome to have the police find that Isa had been living with him all along – he might get jailed then, under the assumption that he’d hidden Isa. Not that that’s not true, but Ryuuji still didn’t need any of that to happen.

Well, at least not a lot of people had seen Isa – seems like him being in the apartment all the time was pretty good after all. So just Azami and Kenzaburou, maybe a few people on the streets, and then Kazuaki and Hitori who know where Isa would be. Hopefully they won’t tell anyone yet, though.

“You don’t want to go home, I guess?” Ryuuji asked, “Also, why did you run on the first place?”

Isa didn’t respond, only looking down at the ground anxiously. He’s clearly uncomfortable and scared, more than ever.

“I… I mean, you don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to.”

“It’s alright,” Isa muttered quietly, almost to the point that it was incoherent – “I guess you can say I… lost faith in my family.

“My parents… I guess, like any politician, they don’t really care about anything but power and profit,” he went on, “And… they don’t really care about me, either. I could be dead and they’d just go on their life. I shouldn’t be born in that family.”

Ryuuji remained silent, listening.

“So… you know, a lot of things happened,” Isa said with a dry chuckle, “Like…”

Isa shook his head then, and let out a sigh.

“Like being raped, I guess.”

“...do they know about it?”

“They wouldn’t believe me. The one who did it was my dad’s boss or something, and… I’m not sure what he is now,” Isa sighed, “Or maybe they do believe me, they just didn’t think it was important to go after. Like, I’m the victim, so it doesn’t really concern them.

“That’s not the only time, but… I don’t know. At some point, I just accepted that it was going to happen to me anyways. I can’t do anything about it, and nobody’s going to care.

“Anyway, I’m not really needed at home, and I’m never going back,” he said, “When I grow old enough, my parents will figure out a way for me to be in the government, and they’ll just be controlling me about how to run things for their purposes.

“Going home isn’t an option,” Isa stated firmly, “I don’t want to live like that. I’m good for nothing. I shouldn’t be existing. There are others better than me, and I’m just… taking space.”

 

Isa stopped talking then, looking up to Ryuuji – his eyes were brimming with tears despite the smile drawn on his lips.

“Thanks for everything,” Isa said, his voice cracking – he stood up and picked up his backpack from the floor – 

Ryuuji quickly grabbed his wrist, holding him back.

“You’re not going anywhere.”

“But I shouldn’t be here… right?”

“So where else would you want to be?” Ryuuji asked, “I’m not letting you go back home.”

“I won’t. I’ll just…” Isa paused for a second – clearly he can’t tell Ryuuji he was going to kill himself – ”I’ll just… find somewhere else to be.”

“Stay here for tonight,” Ryuuji said, his voice commanding – “I’ll think of something.”

“It’s useless.”

“It’s not. If your parents don’t care about you, then, hell, I’m going to care for you,” Ryuuji said, “You don’t deserve to be treated like this, Isa-kun; you’ve been hurt enough.”

“What good would it do you?”

“So you expect me to hear all this and do nothing?”

“But it’s useless!” Isa shouted, “Let me go! Even if I die, that’s none of your business! Why do you care so much?”

“Because I want you to be okay!” Ryuuji replied, “Look, I know we can’t undo the past, but there has to be some way to fix things, right?”

Ryuuji forcefully took the backpack away from Isa, throwing it back on the floor. Isa tried reaching for it again, but Ryuuji quickly caught him, holding him tightly in his arms.

“It’s going to be alright,” Ryuuji whispered, gently ruffling Isa’s hair, “I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you’re safe, so don’t worry about anything, okay?”

 

Isa fell silent, his whole body still trembling. 

It felt strange, being hugged like this by Ryuuji.

Nobody had ever done this for him, until now. He’d always thought it wouldn’t matter if he died, that nobody would miss him – 

But now Ryuuji, a stranger he’d only known for three days, was telling him that he cared.

Finally, when he thought he’d lost all hope, someone cared about the pain he’d bottled up for so long.

Maybe it’s not true. Maybe Ryuuji would betray him tomorrow morning, but…

Isa couldn’t help but feel like he wanted to believe.

Isa buried his face into Ryuuji’s shoulder, and began to cry.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Ryuuji woke up at six-thirty, as he usually does, thanks to his phone alarm. 

Isa was lying next to him, fast asleep. Ryuuji had decided to let him sleep in his room for last night, to make him more comfortable. 

Last night… was quite a mess. Isa cried himself to sleep, and so Ryuuji decided to put him on the bed. Let him be more comfortable, let him rest. 

Ryuuji got out of bed as quietly as he could – a few creaks here and there, but that didn’t seem to wake Isa, so thank goodness – grabbed his phone from the nightstand, and walked out. 

As soon as he closed the door behind him, the phone started vibrating – it was Hitori. 

“Hello, Kawara here!”

_ “Ah, Kawara-sensei, good morning. Did I wake you up?” _

“No, I usually wake up around this time as well. What’s up?”

_ “Just wondering if you’ve seen the news,”  _ Hitori paused for a second,  _ “About… Ichijou Utsuro.” _

“Oh, of course I have!”

_ “Nanaki-kun was reading about it. It’s all over the internet forums.” _

“I trust none of you will breathe a word about it?”

_ “That’s what we were just talking about, actually, but we wanted to ask you.” _

“How thoughtful of you! In that case, please don’t tell anyone about it.”

_ “But what are you planning to do, Kawara-sensei?” _

“Hmm… who knows,” Ryuuji replied, “I guess we’ll see about that. What have they been saying on the internet?”

  
  


Well, despite having told Isa he’ll think of a plan, he hadn’t really been able to think of anything other than “lay low, let it die out, then move”. 

It would be bad if Isa was to be seen in the public’s eye now. Everyone is probably on high alert looking for him, and Ryuuji had no idea if any bounty had been set either, because that’d just make things even worse. 

Ryuuji opened the fridge to take out a few eggs and bread. He put the bread in the toaster, and cracked the egg on a pan to let it cook. 

He then walked over to pick up Isa’s backpack on the floor, and opened the zipper. He felt… a little bad doing this, but then again, there was something he needed to make sure about.

There weren’t that many things inside – just a couple shirts, jeans, and underwear. 

And in one of the pockets of the jeans… There was something long, and solid. Ryuuji pulled it out – 

It was a pocketknife.

 

_...so I guessed right that he was going to kill himself. Judging by how little clothes he has, and not having his phone –  _

Ryuuji sighed as he put the pocketknife into his pocket, then folded the jeans and shirts back to the way they were and put them back into the backpack. He’d have to dispose of the knife somehow later. 

The toaster let out a ding, signaling the bread is done. Ryuuji walked over to check on his eggs – they look cooker, so Ryuuji turned off the heat. He took out the toast and placed the egg on them and served them on the table. 

He peeked back into his room – Isa had moved slightly, but he was still asleep. 

It was 6:45 – usually around this time he would’ve showered and gotten changed, ready to go to the station…

Ryuuji decided to wait until Isa woke up, to make sure he was feeling better. He’d eat breakfast at home, too, so he wouldn’t need to buy food at the station – and even if he ended up being hungry again, being late to work every once in a while won’t hurt. Still, he figured he should try to not be ridiculously late. 

He walked back into his room quietly, took out his clothes, and went into the bathroom. 

~•~

Isa found himself in a dark room – a room so dark he couldn’t even see his body. 

The air was cold, dry. There was a strange chemical smell lingering in the air – smelt toxic, but at the same time, he was totally unaffected. 

He tried to move, tried to get up so he could look around, but his body wouldn’t move. He couldn’t quite understand why – it didn’t feel like he was being tied down or anything, it just felt like his body had stopped reacting to his brain’s commands. He couldn’t even lift a finger, or turn his head – only his eyes were open. 

_ “Hello?” _ he wanted to say, but it was as if his mouth had frozen – it couldn’t even open. He could hear himself only in his head. 

It was totally silent, cold, and dark. 

It was terrifying. He couldn’t tell what was around him, other than the feeling of something hard and cold under his body. Nobody seemed to be here but him either – what is this, some sort of oblivion?

He once again tried to get up, exerting his all his energy in trying to sit, but to no avail. 

It was tiring, for some reason – he found himself gasping and huffing for air. Maybe something invisible was weighing his whole body down. 

Everything felt cold, distant, foreign. 

_ “Is anyone here?” _

No sound at all, and no answer, either. 

And then out of nowhere, a pair of hands appeared, grabbing him by the neck. 

Isa couldn’t see the owner of these hands, but certainly, they were choking him, trying to cut off air from his system. Isa wanted to reach out, push him away – but his body still wouldn’t move. 

“Why did you tell?”

The voice echoed in the darkness, getting louder and louder each time, getting more blurry as they kept echoing. 

“It was all supposed to be a secret, right, Utsuro-kun?” The grip of those hands tightened, almost crushing Isa’s throat.

“Remember what I said if you dare tell anyone?

“I said I’ll kill you.”

His lungs were screaming for air, the sharp pain on his chest were getting more intense, his muscles were dying under the lack of oxygen –

Normally he would let out gasps, moans of pain, but all his voices seemed to have been swallowed in this darkness. 

“Nobody can help you now, Utsuro-kun,” the voice echoed, “Die.”

~•~

Isa woke with a start. 

His heart was beating like crazy, and for some reason, he was out of breath and sweating heavily, and there was a dull, throbbing pain in his chest. 

“Isa-kun?”

He almost jumped upon hearing someone call him, and quickly lay back down, covering his head with the blanket. 

“Isa-kun, are you okay?” he felt a big, strong hand touching his shoulder, shaking it gently. “Is it a bad dream?”

A bad dream. 

But it all felt so real until just a few seconds ago. Now he’s woken up in a new reality –

Was that all really just a dream?

Isa couldn’t even answer that – he just curled up further into a ball. At least his body can move now. 

“It’s okay, Isa-kun. It’s me, Ryuuji.”

The blanket above him was opened –

The room he was in was different. The curtains were open, and warm, bright sunlight entered the room. 

Ryuuji’s hand was holding his hand, grounding him to reality. 

 

Ryuuji was sitting next to him, looking concerned. 

Isa looked deathly pale, there were tears streaming down his cheeks, and his breaths were ragged. Whatever kind of dream he had, he clearly hadn’t fully snapped out of it yet, since his eyes were still wide open in horror and shock.

“Isa-kun, it’s okay.”

Ryuuji wiped Isa’s tears with his fingers, and kissed his forehead. Isa was still trembling, but he slowly, fearfully, looked up at Ryuuji. Ryuuji gently caressed his cheeks, trying to soothe him down – 

Isa rested his head on Ryuuji’s chest. Ryuuji felt warm, tender – like home. He could feel Ryuuji securely wrapping his hands around his body, protecting him. 

“It’s just a dream. It’s going to be okay.”

“I…” Isa held on to Ryuuji, still trembling, “I’m sorry.”

“You did nothing wrong, Isa-kun.”

Ryuuji took a glass of water from the nightstand and handed it for Isa to drink – he managed a few sips before he started coughing, but he then quickly downed the whole glass. 

“Are you hungry?” Ryuuji asked as he got up, “I’ll get you your food –”

Ryuuji was about to get back up, but Isa wouldn’t let go. Maybe he hadn’t really woken up from whatever dream it was, still wanted to feel that he wanted that protection from Ryuuji. 

But it’s just a dream, and it’s over now. 

Not that everything was fine, but at least they were slightly better. At least he was no longer in that room where somebody was trying to kill him. 

“If you need to talk about it, Isa-kun, I’m listening.”

“I’m… fine,” Isa muttered, forcing a smile. “Aren’t you going to work? You’re dressed up and all.”

“I want to make sure you’re doing fine before I go.”

“I’m fine.”

“No, not really,” Ryuuji said with a sigh, “How can I make it better for you?”

“I’m really fine. I’ll get over it eventually.”

“Well, your standard for “fine” sure is low.” Ryuuji ruffled Isa’s hair, “If you need help with anything, just tell me. Or call me, if I’m at work, and I’ll try my best.”

“There’s really no need to worry about me like that –”

“Oh, I made you breakfast! Let me bring it in here!”

That said, Ryuuji finally got up and walked out of the door, and then came back a few seconds later with a plate of toast and eggs. Isa took the toast, and started eating – Ryuuji seemed pleased with this development.

“Do you need anything else? Milk? Maybe more toast?”

“...this is good enough, thank you.”

“You know, I have to go to work soon,” Ryuuji said, “I’ll try coming back earlier, but in case I can’t, I’ll call you, okay? Or maybe I’ll give Uzune-kun and Nanaki-kun the key so they can come accompany you.”

“Isn’t that too much trouble…?”

“I’m sure they won’t mind. Uzune-kun just called me half an hour ago too, asking if you’re doing well.”

Isa fell silent. Now that he thought about it, a lot of people must be catching on to who he really was –

“But he told me he won’t tell anyone, so we’re good!” 

Still, Hitori and Kazuaki can’t be the only ones who know where he was. What about all those other people – have anyone alerted the police? Were they actually on their way here?

“So for today, just stay inside. Don’t let anyone see you, got it? And if you need anything, give me a call or text me!”

“...yes, Kawara-sensei.”

~•~

Isa turned on the TV, waiting for some news. Not that he really wanted to see it, he just felt like he needed to.

The usual news channel was talking about some economic problems – Isa waited for a while for them to change the topic, but instead it changed onto something about an accident in a factory , so Isa decided to switch around the channels. 

_ “Well, I mean, being the son of our prime minister, people would usually think he has a perfect life! It’s actually strange that he’d run away from home. Usually only kids who have trouble with their family do that.” _

Isa stopped switching – it was a gossip show of sorts, with a black haired man in a pink suit and a silver haired man in a blue suit as the host. 

_ “Maybe Utsuro-san has been having problems at home… His parents may be too busy to look after him… Teenagers around that age, they usually want a lot of attention, right?” _

_ “Oh well, even I, who’s not so young anymore, want attention!”  _ The audience laughed –  _ “But still, it’s been quite a few days, right? He could be anywhere in this country!” _

Isa sighed as he turned off the TV. The room once again fell silent, save for the sound of the ventilator.

Those people simply wouldn’t understand. Not even Ryuuji would understand that pain, although Isa had told him the truth.

 

Isa sat on the couch for a while, trying to listen to the silence.

For some reason, his mind couldn’t help but wander back to that dream.

He and his attacker, in that dark room alone. He couldn’t fight back, couldn’t tell who was attacking him – he could simply wait for everything to be over.

That’s how it’s always been. 

Eventually, he became numb to the pain. He simply continued to exist, the pain now a part of him, trying his best to hide it from others. 

Or perhaps he wasn’t so numb after all. Maybe he was just sick of feeling, and was trying to ignore everything and accept them as he came. 

Perhaps it was the realization, the urge that he wanted to be free of that pain that made him run away. 

He wanted to disappear.

 

_ “It was all supposed to be a secret, right, Utsuro-kun? Remember what I said if you dare tell anyone? I said I’ll kill you.” _

Isa looked around the room, as if trying to make sure nobody was there – 

The curtains were all closed and the door was locked, so nobody else could have gotten in, or looked inside.

And yet the voice from his dreams kept echoing in his head, becoming a deafening ring in his ears. 

Isa covered both of his ears, and lay down on the couch, tucking his legs in, but the voices would not stop.

_ “I’ll kill you.” _

“Stop,” Isa whimpered helplessly, “Stop it.”


	5. Chapter 5

_ “How are you doing, Isa-kun? Have you had lunch?” _

“I’m fine,” Isa replied, trying to sound as calm as possible – can’t let Ryuuji know he’d just cried his eyes out again. “I haven’t eaten yet, but I’m cooking right now.”

_ “I see! That’s good! _

_ “Oh, by the way, I think Uzune-kun and Nanaki-kun are on their way to see you. They have the house key, so can you please get it from them before they leave?” _

“I will.”

There was a brief pause – as if Ryuuji was thinking about what to say next. This made Isa rather nervous as to what he might say next –

_ “And… I’ll try to be home early. See you later, Isa-kun!” _

“...see you, Kawara-sensei.”

Isa still couldn’t shake the feeling that Ryuuji had meant to say something else, but now that he’d hung up, not that Isa could ask him.

He turned back to the pan, where he was reheating a slice of pizza – he turned off the heat and put the pizza onto the plate. 

 

Isa had just finished eating when he heard two knocks on the door, and then the creak of it being opened.

“Isa-san, are you inside?”

Hitori opened the door and walked in, followed by Kazuaki. Kazuaki smiled upon seeing Isa, waving his hands excitedly. 

“Hello again, Isa-san!”

“You look terrible,” Hitori remarked – Isa’s eyes were really swollen, his hair was messy and his face was pale, “Have you showered?”

Isa shook his head. 

“You should go look at the mirror,” Hitori sighed, “Go wash your face. Did you eat?”

“...pizza.”

“We brought you food!” Kazuaki exclaimed, showing Isa a plastic bag – “Do you like hamburger?”

“I’m fine, I’ve eaten – ”

“Won’t hurt to eat more,” Hitori replied, “I mean, I’m sure Kawara-sensei feeds you well, but you probably don’t take very good care for yourself.”

“Also, Isa-san, when I feel stressed, I always eat! It really does help!”

“No, you just happen to like to eat, Nanaki-kun.”

“Ehh…”

“Anyway, come on and eat,” Hitori said, so Kazuaki quickly set down the plastic bag and took out two burgers and a pack of fries. 

“Oh! And we bought two because we thought you might want more!”

“...thank you.”

 

Just when Isa was done eating, Hitori pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it to him. 

It was a missing person information sheet – for him, of course. They had on there his picture for his school ID, his physical description, his name… Ichijou Utsuro, and a number to contact. 

“I don’t suppose you want to go home that much,” Hitori stated, “So what do you want to do then? You can’t stay with Kawara-sensei forever.”

“But at this rate, wherever I go, people will recognize me,” Isa sighed, “The best option is to disappear.”

“You can change your appearance,” Hitori suggested, “Bleach your hair, dye it some other color, wear contacts. Of course you can’t change your fingerprints, but at least it won’t be as easy to find you…”

“I ran away from home to kill myself, but now that Kawara-sensei had decided to pick me up…” Isa sighed again, “It just keeps getting more and more complicated.”

“It’s kind of strange when you think about it, huh?” Kazuaki chimed in, “He really has no reason to pick you up, but he did anyway. Not that that’s a bad thing…”

“I didn’t mean to get him involved…”

Or so Isa said, but last night, he’d told Ryuuji everything – about his family’s abuse, about being raped, and…

Ryuuji said it himself, that he couldn’t just turn a blind eye to this. 

Perhaps, somewhere deep in there, 

A part of him wanted to be saved.

 

“Anyway, you need to think of something.”

“...I know.”

“You can blackmail your parents,” Hitori offered, “Nanaki-kun and I can start some rumors around.”

“Won’t that get you guys caught?” Isa asked, slightly concerned, “Can’t they track your location through the internet?”

“Ohh, that can be changed easily!” Kazuaki replied, “There’s something called VPN, Isa-san! It will make it look like I’m posting from some other country!”

“I mean, it is a way to get back at them if they’ve been horrible to you.”

“I don’t plan on that,” Isa replied, shaking his head, “I don’t really want to deal with them anymore, I just… want to disappear.”

Silence fell in the room. 

Hitori was looking at Isa solemnly, while Kazuaki’s eyes shifted between Isa and Hitori every few seconds, confused. Isa was just staring down at his plate without saying a word – he’d said everything he’d wanted to say, at least for now.

Hitori only let out a sigh as he fished out something from his pocket, and then placed it on the table – 

The key. 

“Well, here’s your chance, I guess.”

Hitori stood up then, and started gathering his things – Kazuaki turned to him, confused. 

“Uzune-kun?”

“We’re done here, Nanaki-kun,” Hitori said, “Kawara-sensei told us to give him the key before we leave, right? So let’s leave.”

“But… is it okay to leave Isa-san alone?”

“He’ll be fine.” 

Hitori turned to look at Isa as Kazuaki started to pick up his things as well – Kazuaki seemed unsure about it, though, as he kept turning to look at Isa to make sure he was okay – 

But Isa just sat there in silence, staring at the key that was now in front of him.

“Isa-san…”

“Let’s go, Nanaki-kun,” Hitori pressed, “Remember to lock the door, Isa-san.”

 

It was all coming back to him now.

After his first night staying here, Isa, too, had thought about leaving and killing himself somewhere where nobody could find him – only there was no way for him to leave the house. 

But right now, the door was open for him to leave. 

Disappearing off the face of this world permanently didn’t sound all that bad. 

At least he won’t need to remember, because remembering was always painful. The pain that was part of him will perhaps finally disappear. 

Not like anyone would care. They’d just cry for him a for a few days, and then forget all about him. He didn’t need to be dead for that – not like anyone cared about him now.

It’s sickening, pretending to be alive when he always felt dead inside. 

Certainly, nobody would be able to hurt him if he was dead. 

 

_ “If your parents don’t care about you, then, hell, I’m going to care for you.” _

For some reason, Isa felt a knot form in his stomach as he thought about that.

There was no way Ryuuji could understand how he felt. Maybe Ryuuji only said that last night to cheer him up – maybe there was no way he was going to care.

But is it wrong to believe?

So many people he thought he should trust had ended up leaving him, abandoning him. Why would Ryuuji not be among them? They’d only known each other for a few days, after all – if someone from the police department called, and asked Ryuuji to hand him over, Ryuuji would have no other choice to do it. There was no reason for Ryuuji to get in trouble because of him – 

 

Isa sighed as he stood up, holding the key in his hand. It felt strangely heavy, and cold – 

He walked over to the door, and locked it. He turned the handle to try to open it, but it wouldn’t, so it definitely was locked. 

He walked back to the couch, still holding the key. Maybe he should take Hitori’s advice, and go shower – he was starting to feel somewhat gross. He pulled out his clothes and jeans, carefully unfolding them – 

He realized then that the pocketknife was missing.

~•~

“I’m home! Sorry I’m late, Isa-kun!”

Isa quickly turned around, and saw Ryuuji staggered into the apartment. Ryuuji looked somewhat drunk, but he sounded okay, and his face looked normal, too. 

Isa turned to look at the clock – it was almost midnight. 

Strange – not only because Ryuuji had never came home this late, but also because he somehow got in by himself. Isa had made sure the door was locked earlier – did he have another key? Maybe he found the spare?

“Is everything, alright, Kawara-sensei? Did anything happen?”

“Everything’s fine, don’t worry!” Ryuuji replied cheerfully, as usual. “Something came up at the lab, and so I had to stay a little longer, that’s all!”

“...until midnight?” 

Ryuuji smiled sheepishly, “Really sorry about that, Isa-kun. Were you asleep?”

“I was waiting for you to come back,” Isa replied, “I thought I’d open the door for you.”

“Don’t worry! I always carry a key with me!”

_...does that mean he’s always kept the spare key all this time? He’s been hiding it from me? _

Isa wanted to ask about that, since clearly the ‘only’ key was on the table right in front of Isa, but he decided not to. Ryuuji must be tired from whatever he was doing at work. 

“You should go to bed, Kawara-sensei.”

“You too, Isa-kun! Do you want to sleep inside today? I don’t mind sleeping on the couch.”

“I’ll sleep on the couch, that’s alright.”

Ryuuji let out a sigh as he sat down to Isa. He turned to Isa, and smiled – he seemed tired. That’s only normal, though, since Ryuuji was gone from eight this morning until midnight. 

“Should I make you tea before you sleep?”

Ryuuji shook his head with a smile. 

 

“...Kawara-sensei, your shirt…”

“What about it?”

“It’s a different color,” Isa said – 

Yes, he clearly remembered. This morning Ryuuji was right next to him when he woke up, after all, and…

“...you were wearing a blue shirt this morning, and now it’s red.”

“Ah! I spilled some base on it!” Ryuuji replied, smiling sheepishly, “I gave it to laboratory services to clean! As for this shirt, I just… happened to have a spare in my room, in case I have to stay overnight.

“Anyway, you had a scary dream last night, didn’t you, Isa-kun?” Ryuuji asked, wrapping his arm around Isa’s shoulder –  “You should sleep inside. It’s more comfortable, and maybe you’ll sleep better and not dream of anything bad.”

“I’ll be fine,” Isa replied, “You must be really tired, after working until so late.”

“Well, at least tomorrow’s Saturday, so I can sleep in!”

Ryuuji smiled as he leaned over to rest his head on Isa’s shoulder. Isa was rather unsure about what to do at first – he nervously raised his hand up, and started to pat Ryuuji on the back. Ryuuji seemed comfortable – he let out what sounded like a soft purr, and soon enough, he was asleep.

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

Strangely enough, Isa did not dream that night. 

He woke up to find Ryuuji still asleep, leaning on him. He couldn’t feel his right arm at this point, but he didn’t dare move either. Ryuuji had come back really late last night, so it’s best if he slept some more. 

There were many things he felt like he should be asking, though. Like why Ryuuji had come home so late; whether or not Ryuuji took his knife; how he got into the house when there was supposedly only one key…

_ Maybe when he wakes up.  _

It was quite nice, sitting with Ryuuji leaning on to him like this. Ryuuji was sleeping peacefully, too, it seemed, his chest rising and falling regularly and his face looking relaxed. 

Isa carefully raised his other hand to hold Ryuuji tighter – 

Only suddenly Ryuuji opened his eyes wide, looking up at Isa. 

“Boo.”

They kept staring at each other for a few seconds – Ryuuji was staring at Isa intently, in his attempt to surprise him, but Isa only stared back without saying a word – he was completely unfazed, he just looked deep into Ryuuji’s soul. 

“...did I at least surprise you?”

“No.”

“Aww…” Ryuuji looked away, pretending to be sad. Still, he snuggled closer to Isa, and looked up at him with a smile.

“It’s so comfortable, being here with you,” Ryuuji muttered, “So nice and warm. Can it be like this forever?”

Isa decided not to answer that. 

He only held Ryuuji closer, petting his head. 

Certainly, there will come a time when all this will have to end, but…

It would be nice if it doesn’t. 

 

“What time is it, by the way?” 

Ryuuji yawned as he finally got off Isa – he glanced at the clock, and it was almost 10 AM. 

“I should make us something to eat, then! What about good ole ramen, Isa-kun?”

“Anything’s fine,” Isa replied, “Maybe you’d like to get changed first?”

“Ah, definitely! I don’t want to get this one dirty!”

Ryuuji was just about to go into his room when they heard knocks on the door. Ryuuji instinctively turned around, alert. 

“You should go into my room first, Isa-kun,” Ryuuji said – Isa nodded, and got up from the couch. “I’ll get the door. Maybe it’s the mailman, or the landlord… wait, but I did pay rent last week…”

 

“Good morning!”

Ryuuji opened the door to see two policemen standing outside. They both were looking around, but as soon as Ryuuji opened the door, they turned to him. 

Ryuuji couldn’t help but feel nervous – what is this about now? They would need a good reason to show up here, so what was that reason? Is it Isa? Or something else?

“Good morning.” One of them turned to look at his papers, “Mr. Kawara Ryuuji?”

“How may I help you today?”

“We have a warrant to search your house,” he replied, “We have been getting reports that you have been involved in suspicious activities at Takaba University.”

“Uh… sorry, but since when is teaching considered suspicious activity?”

“It’s not exactly that,” the officer replied, “The reports said you have been contacting people to take part in a research, and apparently none of these people had returned and nobody could contact them.”

“But…”

“If we can’t find anything suspicious, then we’ll call it off,” the officer replied, “So there’s nothing to worry about, sir.”

“Is that so?” Ryuuji forced a smile as he opened the door wider, “I suppose there’s no harm in it, then.”

 

Ryuuji let the two officers in, then locked the door behind them. 

They started walking and looking around them – Isa must be in the bedroom, since he wasn’t in the living room. Now the issue is to make sure none of these policemen saw him – 

“Do you live alone, Kawara-san? Any wife? Children?”

“Well… I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago.”

“Your house is pretty clean for a man who lives alone.”

“Ah, thanks!” 

The policemen inspected the kitchen for a while, before turning to look around the living room. Ryuuji quietly took one of the kitchen knives, holding it behind his back. 

“What are these books?”

“Ahh, they’re just my research material! And maybe some old letters and stuff.”

One of the other officers started to walk to Ryuuji’s room, examining the door. 

“I guess this is your room?”

Ryuuji nodded, walking closer to the police officer. The policeman placed his hand on the door, turning the handle –

 

Everything after that felt like a haze. 

Ryuuji stabbed his knife right into the policeman’s neck, slicing right through his jugular. The policeman let out a shriek as he fell to the ground, holding his neck. 

The other policeman, noticing this, quickly took out his gun and aimed it at Ryuuji. However, he was too slow – Ryuuji quickly grabbed the gun and quickly pointed it away, and stabbed him right on the chest. 

 

Isa walked out of the door, upon hearing all the commotion – 

He seemed shocked upon seeing the body in the pool of blood in front of him. Ryuuji was still standing by the couch, the policeman’s body lying on it. Ryuuji was holding a knife, covered in blood –

The next second, Ryuuji had came up to him, his hands grabbing Isa’s neck. Isa quickly found himself pinned on the wall – Ryuuji had lifted him slightly, so that his legs couldn’t touch the floor. 

Ryuuji was certainly choking him – Isa could feel his grip getting stronger by the second. Isa instinctively raised his hand to try to hold Ryuuji back –

Ryuuji’s eyes were dark, predatory – as if he had been possessed. 

_ This isn’t Kawara-sensei _ , Isa thought.  _ He’d never do something like this. Just what had gotten into him? _

_ He’s always kind and caring. He won’t… he’s incapable of doing something like this. I refuse to believe it.  _

“Kawara-sensei,” Isa whimpered among his gasps, “Please… please stop it.”

Instead of stopping, Isa only felt as if Ryuuji’s grip had grown even stronger, almost cutting off his air supply. Isa frantically kicked his legs –

He looked at the two corpses on the floor, at the pool of blood – is he going to join them soon?

 

_ Just like that dream.  _

_ Someone was killing me and I couldn’t do anything.  _

 

“Kawara-sensei,” Isa sobbed weakly, “Please. Stop it…”

Still, Ryuuji’s grip kept tightening, and Isa let out a gasp, his lungs screaming for air. 

His neck hurt so much, and it was starting to feel like the energy was being drowned from his body –

_ So this is how it feels like to be dying.  _

_ Maybe… maybe, it’s not so bad, dying like this.  _

_ Better him than anyone else.  _

 

And then, as suddenly as everything began, it stopped. 

 

Ryuuji, as if realizing what he’d done, quickly let go of Isa, dropping him onto the floor. Isa took a deep breath, his airway finally free, and was soon panting, trying to get as much air as possible back into his system. There was some bruising on his neck, from being choked, and traces of blood –

Ryuuji stood there for a few seconds, frozen, just looking at Isa. 

It all felt like a daze. He didn’t even realize what was happening –

He looked at the room around him, where the two policemen lay on the floor, dead. 

He was starting to recall – one of them had tried to open the door to his bedroom, where Isa was, and so Ryuuji had to kill him. 

And that must’ve triggered everything else. 

 

“Kawara-sensei,” Isa called out, his voice still shaky, “Are you alright?”

Ryuuji didn’t answer. 

He just stood there, trembling –

Just in the blink of an eye, hell had been brought to earth, and he was the one who caused it. 

 

“Kawara-sensei…”

Isa stood up, holding Ryuuji’s hand – the warm feeling slowly grounded Ryuuji to reality. 

“It’s alright,” Isa muttered, “Come on, let’s clean this up.”

“...Isa-kun,” Ryuuji replied, “Aren’t you… aren’t you scared?”

“Of what?”

“I… almost killed you, didn’t I?”

Isa shrugged, “Better you than anyone else. Besides, I was thinking you’d do me a favor and kill me for me.”

Ryuuji turned to look at the corpses again, as if in disbelief. 

“I… did this,” Ryuuji confirmed to himself, “I killed them.”

“Is this what happened with all those missing people, too?”

Ryuuji shakily gave a nod.

“Well, if they catch you, they’ll catch me, too,” Isa sighed, “So let’s clean this up. Is there a place where we can store the bodies?”

“...why are you still helping me, Isa-kun?” Ryuuji asked – ”Don’t you feel betrayed? Don’t you… don’t you hate me?”

Isa fell silent for a second before he replied,

“...I hate myself much more, so that’s fine.”


	7. Chapter 7

When was the first time that happened?

Ryuuji could no longer remember. It must’ve been a long time ago.

He would just suddenly black out, and by the time he came to, someone would be hurt.

Luckily he never blacked out like that in public, or at least when it happened in public, it was never brutal. At most he would hit someone really hard – just little bursts of violence.

Fortunately, everyone around him never caught on to anything bigger. Maybe to them Ryuuji just appeared more emotional sometimes, and nothing more. Kids get physical sometimes anyway.

But Ryuuji couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t quite right.

Maybe he’d realized this monster was real, living inside him, intertwined with his soul. Trying to end its existence would mean ending his own existence.

Why had it become like this?

Ryuuji never asked for this – he never wanted to hurt anyone, nor did he want anyone to get hurt, and yet he was the one given this ability.

Slowly, but certainly, he started distancing himself from others. He was simply trying to protect them from him.

_But I’ve really done it this time, haven’t I?_

_I almost killed Isa, too, and… I only wanted to protect him._

_How did it all come to this?_

  


Ryuuji methodically cut up the bodies, quickly working on chopping up the limbs. Isa unplugged the microwave and carried it towards the body, and then dropped it – there was a thud, and also a splat sound. Isa lifted up the microwave and dropped it, repeating it again a few times, until the face was nothing but a lump of flesh and blood, unrecognizable.

“Is that good enough?”

“I suppose.”

Isa lifted the microwave and walked over to the other corpse, and did the same. He turned to Ryuuji once he was done, putting aside the microwave.

“What else should I do?”

Ryuuji shook his head. “Isa-kun, you shouldn’t do this.”

“Why not?”

“I mean…” Ryuuji sighed, “I don’t like doing this, you know? So I don’t really want you to be involved.”

It might sound strange, since he was the one who killed the two officers – people would expect him to enjoy killing others.

But every time he finished dismembering his victims, it always struck him,

That they, too, were alive.

And he was the one who had taken everything away from them.   


“It’s okay.”

Isa walked over to Ryuuji, hugging him tightly around the waist. Ryuuji looked at him for a while, unsure, then hesitantly lifted his hand to hug Isa back.

Everything in that moment felt unreal, except for the warmth of Isa’s body, his tenderness –

Somehow, they were both still alive.

It was… a relief, but at the same time, terrifying. Ryuuji just couldn’t help but fear that the next time something like this happens again, Isa would… get hurt worse, or even...

  


“...why, Isa-kun?”

“You helped me,” Isa replied, “I’m just returning a favour.”

“You don’t have to stay with me, Isa-kun,” Ryuuji said, “You can live with Uzune-kun and Nanaki-kun, I’m sure they’ll…”

“I’ll be fine,” Isa cut, “I want to be with you.”

“Aren’t you scared of me?” Ryuuji asked, “I… I kill people. One day, I might kill you too.”

“At least you feel guilty about it,” Isa replied, “I mean, I’m sure none of those people were sorry they raped me.”

“But still…”

“For now, let’s just put them in the fridge,” Isa said, quickly picking two arms – “Wow, these are pretty heavy.”

Ryuuji only watched in amazement as Isa walked over to the fridge, opened it, and put the arms in the freezer. He then continued taking the other two arms and put them in, before turning to pick up the other parts.

“We can’t stay here, clearly,” Isa said, “We’re going to have to go somewhere else, even if temporary. I suggest a love hotel, since they don’t really check the identities. Of course we can’t stay there for long…”

“How are you so calm, Isa-kun?”

Isa paused for a second, looking at Ryuuji weirdly, as if what he was doing was perfectly normal.

“...how else am I supposed to deal with my life?

“Anyway, hurry and help me with these bodies,” Isa said, “Then we’ll have to leave as soon as we can.”

Ryuuji decided to stop questioning it.

  


Soon enough, they were done putting the bodies in the fridge, so they quickly cleaned themselves and got to a love hotel, as agreed. Ryuuji happened to know one, although he claimed to have never gone to it – Isa just gave him a really judgemental look as he was saying that.

Ryuuji probably wouldn’t need much, so he packed lightly – he took a few clothes, pants, and underwear, some research materials… he considered bringing along a knife, but then he decided not to. He didn’t quite plan on killing anyone, especially now that he was going to be with Isa for quite some time, so maybe leaving the knife behind would help him control that impulse. Meanwhile, Isa simply took what was in his backpack.

Isa came in a few minutes later, now clean and freshly changed. He locked the door and sat down next to Ryuuji on the bed.

The bruise from Ryuuji choking him was still visible – most of it were starting to turn blue now. Ryuuji couldn’t help but feel a bit of regret seeing that –

Isa sat down next to Ryuuji, looking over the things he was bringing along, then Ryuuji – he still seemed dejected over all the murder that just happened.

“By the way, you’re keeping my knife for me, aren’t you?”

“...do you want it back?”

Isa chuckled, “Not like you’ll give it back to me. Is it in a trashcan somewhere?”

Ryuuji only sighed as he gave a nod. He leaned over to Isa, gently moving his hair to take a closer look at the bruise around his neck.

“...I’m sorry.”

“I told you it’s alright,” Isa replied, “It doesn’t even hurt anymore.”

“But still, I… shouldn’t have done…”

“Kawara-sensei, it’s okay,” Isa said, holding Ryuuji’s hand – “You should go sleep. You must be tired after all the clean-up.”

“But still…”

“It’s going to be fine,” Isa reassured, “Whatever happens, Kawara-sensei, I’ll always be with you, okay?”

“But you have no reason to, Isa-kun.”

“This is the best place I can possibly ask for,” Isa replied, smiling genuinely at Ryuuji – “I know you’ll protect me, always.”

Ryuuji couldn’t help but be amazed. For some reason he couldn’t comprehend, Isa was… still there, still believing in him, despite what he’d done.

“I guess we’re just both really fucked up people, huh?”

Isa shrugged as he leaned on Ryuuji.

“It works, I guess?”

“If it had been anyone else, I… I would probably be in jail right now.”

“Well, you kept me safe for so long,” Isa replied, “So it’s just my way of saying thanks, I guess.”

They both fell silent for a while, deep in thought. Isa took Ryuuji’s hand in his, gently caressing his fingers while Ryuuji watched. Isa seemed

“I had a dream,” Isa muttered softly, “That I was being choked by someone.”

“...did I make it worse for you?”

“I mean, I don’t mind being killed by you,” Isa sighed, “Better you than anyone else. At least I’ll die knowing I loved you, and you loved me back, to some extent.”

Isa looked up to Ryuuji, smiling – ”Right?

“Of course,” Ryuuji replied, ruffling Isa’s hair, “You’re mine now, Isa-kun. Nobody can take you away from me – not even death itself.”

“Can I ask you something weird?”

“Go ahead.”

“When you met me on the train,” Isa went on, “Did you pick me up thinking… you’re going to kill me at some point?”

Ryuuji shook his head.

“Or maybe I thought about it, at the back of my mind,” Ryuuji sighed, “Who knows.”

“Either way, it doesn’t matter now.”

“Right.”

 

Isa suddenly got up and moved over, sitting on Ryuuji’s lap. He circled his arms around Ryuuji’s neck to pull him close, and kissed him on the lips. Ryuuji froze in surprise for a second, unsure what to do, but Isa continued to kiss him, moving his tongue into Ryuuji’s mouth.

“Come on, Kawara-sensei,” Isa whispered, “Help me forget.”

“Are you sure?”

“Please,” Isa muttered, almost sounding frantic – “I’ll be fine. I… I need this.”

 


	8. Chapter 8

Ryuuji woke up to find Isa lying next to him, still sound asleep. 

He could remember some of what happened last night – Isa, for some reason, had needed him, wanted him –

Ryuuji decided to just go along with it, and hoped that it would at least help Isa unwind a little. Not to say he didn’t feel bad when Isa seemed nervous; he did ask if Isa wanted to stop, and Isa insisted they go on. 

Ryuuji honestly couldn’t really tell if Isa enjoyed it or not, but still… 

...Anyway, it’s done now. 

Ryuuji snuggled closer to Isa and gently hugged him. This didn’t seem to wake him up, so Ryuuji gently mussed Isa’s hair and kissed his forehead. 

 

Isa felt so warm, so tender – 

everything about him felt unreal. 

Everything about the world right now felt unreal. 

Isa was right next to him, but he felt so distant. As if right now, they were sitting at the intersection of two worlds –

Ryuuji clearly didn’t have a place there, no matter how much he wanted to, no matter how much Isa wanted for him to be there.

If he stayed there, he would only end up destroy everything, wouldn’t he? 

 

Ryuuji then slowly got up, making sure to put the blanket back so it still covered Isa, and walked to the closet. 

 

Isa slowly blinked his eyes open, but did not move. 

He could hear Ryuuji’s footsteps, and then the sound of the wardrobe door creaking open, and some rustling.

His warmth lingered on the bed, on his skin – it was almost Isa could still feel his touches, could still hear his breath.

A few seconds later, he could hear Ryuuji’s footsteps again, so he quickly closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. 

He could feel Ryuuji’s hand on his shoulder, and silently wondered what was happening right now in front of him – 

Was Ryuuji looking at him? What was he about to do?

 

Ryuuji leaned in to kiss Isa on the forehead again. 

He was still asleep – his face seemed fully relaxed, peacefully. 

It was somewhat unbelievable. They’d only spent so little time together, and yet Ryuuji couldn’t help but feel drawn to Isa, just like that first time, when they met on the train. 

He still had no idea why he was drawn to Isa. 

It was probably that recognition of loneliness, desperation.

And now is the last time he’d ever see Isa in person ever. 

If he would choose to go home, he would stop being Isa Souma, and turn back into Ichijou Utsuro. The lonely, hurt little boy.

And so Ryuuji was trying his best to carve every detail of Isa’s face into his memory. 

He would never forget Isa Souma, and how he was the only person who would accept him. 

 

Isa heard the door click behind him a few seconds later, and immediately understood what had happened. 

 

“...Kawara-sensei?”

He slowly sat up, looking around the now empty room.

Ryuuji had taken all his things with him – there was barely any trace of him in the room, except for the warmth on the bed, his smell lingering on the sheets.

Isa slowly stood up, and walked to the door. 

Maybe, just maybe, if he called loud enough, Ryuuji would come back, and hold him, and tell him everything was going to be okay. Maybe Ryuuji would change his mind about leaving. 

He so desperately wanted to open the door and do that right now, but…

For some reason, his hand just wouldn’t move to turn the handle.

 

Ryuuji was the only who had ever been there for him, and now he, too, had left, no matter how hard Isa tried to keep him. 

Isa quietly regretted pretending to be asleep. Perhaps if he’d woken up and begged for Ryuuji to stay, he would be here right now.

 

Isa sat down on the floor, hugging his knees.

The room suddenly felt so big and cold, he couldn’t bear it. 

Crying is useless, as always. Ryuuji would never come back.

He was alone, once again.

~•~

Last night was an eternity ago – it barely even felt real.

The only confirmation for Isa that it was real was the pain in his body, but even that felt… strange. 

As if his body had been disconnected from his mind.

 

“Isa-san.”

Isa turned around, and saw Hitori standing a few metres behind him, huffing and panting. Great – just the person Isa wanted to see right now.

“...Uzune-san.”

“I was looking for you,” Hitori said between his breaths, “Are you okay? Where are you going?”

“...you don’t need to know,” Isa replied, “Why were you looking for me?”

“Kawara-sensei told me to take you in,” Hitori explained, “He called me an hour ago and said he can’t take care of you anymore, and asked me to let you live with us, so I said yes.”

“...I don’t need to.”

“Did you guys have an argument?” Hitori asked, “What happened? Kawara-sensei sounded sad, too.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Isa sighed, “Do you know where he is?”

“Kawara-sensei? No, he didn’t tell me,” Hitori said, walking closer to Isa and taking his hand – “Come on, let’s go before the police…”

Isa pried off Hitori’s hand before he could finish his sentence.

“Don’t touch me,” Isa hissed, “Go away.”

Hitori fell silent for a second, surprised, but quickly regained his composure and glared at Isa.

“So would you rather be caught and forced to go back?”

“What option is left for me now?” Isa asked, “It’s that, or killing myself.”

“Look, Isa-san,” Hitori sighed, “Whatever happened, I’m sure Kawara-sensei still very much cares for you and wants you to be okay – ”

“I know that,” Isa replied, “That’s why… he’s distancing himself away from me.”

“Well, it’s good that you understand,” Hitori said, “So now…”

“But there’s literally no point now that he’s left me.”

Hitori fell silent. Isa smiled slightly, as if happy that Hitori had finally understood his point.

“...it’s not your fault, or his,” Isa said calmly, “Meeting him was… just a distraction. Now that he’s no longer here, I’ll just do what I came here to do.

“Don’t think about it too hard, Uzune-san,” he said as he turned away, “It was nice to meet you.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

“Kawara Ryuuji, is it?”

“Yes, sir.”

“On here I have your address as 88th Street, apartment number 13.”

“Correct.”

“And you’re here to turn yourself in, because you killed two of our officers?”

Ryuuji nodded, “Yes.”

The detective looked up at him, uncertain. Ryuuji seemed like a perfectly normal man – even in this situation, he was calm, and even smiling. It was pretty difficult to believe he had killed other people. 

“It is true that two of our officers had been missing since they went to your house,” the detective said, looking down at her files. “But… to think you’ve killed them, is rather…”

“See, even all the details match up!” Ryuuji confirmed, “So come on now, go ahead and arrest me.”

“Well, I can’t really arrest you without decisive evidence,” she replied, “I’ll send some more people to investigate your house. Is anyone else living there?”

“Not at the moment.”

“Those two officers were there to search your house, weren’t they?” she asked again, “What did you need to hide so that you had to kill them?”

Ryuuji paused for a second, before smiling again and shaking his head. 

“You’ll find out soon anyway, right, detective?”

~•~

Isa stood by the platform, looking at his phone. 

He had his hood lowered all the way so it covered his face, and nobody would be able to see his face unless they look closely. 

But not that that would matter now.

 

Isa could remember the first night when he got this phone from Ryuuji. Ryuuji had given it to him so he could contact Ryuuji at anytime…

...does that mean now, too?

If he called Ryuuji now, would he pick it up?

He just wanted to hear Ryuuji one last time, 

wanted to hear from him that he no longer wanted Isa. 

 

Isa’s finger was hovering on the call button, ready to press it at anytime. 

A part of him desperately wanted to – at least that way he would finally get an answer, even if that was just ‘no, Isa-kun, we have to go our separate ways now’ – 

But a part of him, too, feared that answer. 

Maybe it would be better to just cling to that memory of Ryuuji – that he was kind, that he loved Isa, that he truly cared. Even if that’s no longer the truth, maybe it’s best to pretend not to know, and cherish that memory he had.

Would Ryuuji even pick up the phone, or would he just ignore Isa and go on with whatever he was doing? Would Isa calling him and asking him to come back make things worse between them?

Isa didn’t want to know, but at the same time, he wanted closure.

Maybe, just so he would feel better, less guilty.

~•~

“So what made you turn yourself in?”

“Well, it’s a long story,” Ryuuji said smiling, “But let’s just say I met… a wonderful person.

“I want to stop doing this. I want to change for him,” he went on, “And then maybe we can meet again then, when I’m certain my presence won’t endanger him. It’s too dangerous for me to be with him right now; I might… hurt him instead.”

“But you want to be with him, don’t you?”

“I’d do anything to be with him,” he replied sadly, “Even if that means being separated from him for a little while, I’ll do it.”

 

Suddenly, a loud ring rang out in the room – 

Ryuuji sheepishly reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone – it was a call from Isa. He turned to look at the detective, who just shrugged – 

“Sure, take it.”

“I’m really sorry about that,” Ryuuji said as he got up to leave, “I’ll be back in a minute.”

 

“Hello?”

_ “...” _

The other end was silent.

“Isa-kun?” Ryuuji asked, “What’s wrong?”

 

Isa hadn’t actually expected Ryuuji to pick up.

It was… such a relief, to hear his voice again. It felt like a big weight had just been lifted from his shoulders, and suddenly he could breathe again.

They’d only been separated for an hour, and yet it felt like it’s been forever. Hearing Ryuuji’s voice again was like receiving a drop of water to drink while in hell – 

_ “Isa-kun? Can you hear me?” _

“...why?”

_ “...” _

Now it was Ryuuji’s turn to be silent. 

“...do you hate me?” Isa asked, “You don’t want me anymore.”

_ “Isa-kun, that’s not…” _

“You don’t have to make me feel better,” Isa said, his voice cracking – “Just say it. You hate me.”

_ “Isa-kun, I just don’t want you to get any more involved in this.” _

“But I want to be there for you, just like how you’ve been there for me,” Isa sobbed, “Please, Kawara-sensei, don’t do this to me.”

_ “Isa-kun, I just...” _

 

Isa hung up, and threw his phone into the nearest trashcan. 

“Train number 713 bound towards Tokyo is arriving at platform eight.”

Isa stood at the edge of the platform, looking at the dark tunnel in front of him. 

He could see two sources of light inside, lighting up the darkness.

Coming closer, and closer to him.

 

_ “You’re mine now, Isa-kun. Nobody can take you away from me – not even death itself.” _

 

“Hey! What are you doing?”

Isa turned to the voice calling him, and sighed. A middle-aged woman was standing a few metres behind him, calling him.

“Don’t you know not to stand beyond that line?”

Isa turned back to look at the train, ignoring her –

And so he leaped into the light, his salvation.

  
  
  
  
  


“Isa-kun?”

Ryuuji forced a smile as he gently ran his hand through the body bag.

This could’ve been him, in the morning, gently ruffling Isa’s hair and kissing his forehead,

feeling his warmth, his presence.

But that’s all in the past now.

 

He found what felt like it could’ve been Isa’s hand, and held it tightly.

“I should’ve never let you go, I should’ve stayed with you... 

“Ahh, I’m just… regretting what I didn’t do, now that you’re gone…

“It’s terrible.

“I should be the one lying in there, Isa-kun, not you. I… I deserved it.”

 

He leaned over, resting his head on Isa’s chest.

“Isa,” he sobbed, “Isa, don’t go…”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS FOR READING EVERYONE this has been a wild ride. also difficult to write and physically painful. but THANKS!!!! THANKS FOR STAYING AND READING


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